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Don't sneak men in while the kids are asleep. Don't lie to the kids about dating. Don't like to men you meet about the fact you're a single mom. Don't move in with anyone anytime soon — or get pregnant, loan him money or otherwise do dumb shit. Keep an open mind and be positive and hopeful.
Grown-ass man. Every woman who dates men deserves herself such a man. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with what exactly constitutes a grown-ass man, let me, a man, help describe this righteous dude in all his glory. A grown-ass man is undeniably secure and confident with himself. He’s the kind of guy who would never say or do things that men from your past have, because these guys were childish, and did things that stemmed from their own insecurities – and these things hurt you. Essentially, a grown-ass man is a modern take on the gentleman.
You could argue that a synonym for the grown-ass man is “husband material”, but even then, a man can in fact be deemed 'grown-ass' even if you don’t intend on marrying him or marriage in general. So this is why we’ve chosen to go with grown-ass man, because there's just no better way to say it. Any questions? Great!
To help further explain (or help identify whether the man you’re seeing is indeed grown-ass), I’ve provided eight things that no grown-ass man would dare talk about to his partner.
1. His manhood
A man who boasts about his penis is either insecure about its true size, or doesn’t have much else going for him besides that. So in both cases, the man who speaks highly of his precious penis, is not a grown-ass man. He’s just the opposite.
2. His sex life
Another thing a grown-ass man won’t do is brag. This is because he doesn’t feel the need to. He’s confident in his sexuality, and your sex life, and that’s all that matters to him. Even when he’s out with his buddies, if he’s asked about his sexual exploits, he’ll either say nothing, or voice something along the lines of having “no complaints.” No other details will be provided out of respect for you.
3. His exes
A man who talks about his exes is a man who’s looking to get a reaction out of his woman. It’s merely another sign of his insecurity. By mentioning his ex, he’s looking to feed his bravado, so the best thing you can do for yourself is let him say what he has to say – and it won’t be much, I assure you. Once he sees that bringing up ghosts from the past gets nothing out of you, he’ll stop mentioning it – it’s intended purpose is no longer being addressed.
4. His money
Like his manhood, a man will mention his money as a means of winning a girl over. Unfortunately, sometimes this works. But most of the time, a woman requires so much more from a man than an impressive bank statement, and the kind of guy who talks about his money at length, probably doesn’t have much else.
5. Your exes
The only reason he wants to talk about your exes is to see how he measures up against them. Did you upgrade when dating him? Downgrade? He wants to know, and if you don’t tell him, he’ll snoop through your social media networks to find an image of you two embraced at a fair or on vacation together. Again, it’s evidence of his insecurity. Either way, he shouldn’t care, because he’s the one your with and want to be with, and that’s all you need to tell him.
6. Your friends
A man who tries to steer his partner away from her friends has some strange kind of agenda where he selfishly wants you all to himself. He’s possessive. Unless your friends are bad influences on you and cause harm, there’s no reason to berates them besides either wanting you to hang out with his friends more, or having you all to himself – which might sound romantic in the beginning (that lovely honeymoon phase), but after you’ve been with the guy for a while, totally isn’t.
7. Your parents
say aboIn-laws or your significant other's parents may not be the most well-received category of person, but a grown-ass man would never speak ill of them. While he might agree with things you say about them after a heated bout, and won’t appear the slightest bit excited when the two of you are invited to dinner at their place, he’d never dare trash-talk the people who made you, you.
8. How much things cost
Have you ever gone out with a guy who’s made it a point to reference how expensive the restaurant he’s brought you to is? This is no grown-ass man. Nor is the guy who keeps the price tag on gifts or the guy who tells everyone how much his car costs. He's using these price tags as a means of talking himself up. Similarly to bragging about his income (stated prior), he's making his belongings his most attractive quality.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.
Images: lauren rushing/Flickr; Giphy
Are you wondering if a guy is serious about you?
When you’re dating there are things guys make a conscious effort not to do for women they don’t care about. They often do this in the hope that it will stop the woman they are seeing from catching feelings or expecting more from them, but it rarely, if ever, works.
However, if a guy is serious about you, there are clear signs that indicate his love for you. In fact, a 2018 study from The University of Alberta showed that men and women across all cultures use similar behaviors when they like someone. So if you think a man is into you, they are probably exhibiting signs that you might do yourself. “You can tell if someone likes you—whether that’s a new doctor, a colleage at work or a prospective partner, regardless of gender or cultural background—if they exhibit certain behaviours,” said Christine Kershaw, the co-lead investigator of the study.
Simply put: if you catch your guy doing certain things, you can be sure he knows exactly what he’s doing. And he’s planning to be in it for the long haul.
Here are 21 signs a man is serious about you:
1. He inquires about your day
If you had a job interview that you believe didn’t go so well, a meeting with your boss about a possible promotion, an important doctor’s appointment, or basically anything you casually mentioned is coming up and he makes a point of calling you to ask how it went, he is serious about you.
Men who aren’t serious about a woman make a point of not asking for too many details about her life. A man who asks thoughtful questions about the daily happenings in your life is interested in getting to know you better. In fact, he finds you interesting and wants you to know that he is giving you his full attention.
2. He clarifies those missed calls
Did he take hours to call back? Did he completely forget to text back? If you’re just someone he is having temporary fun with, he isn’t concerned about you getting pissed about those things.
But if he makes a point of saying, “Hey, sorry for taking so long, I was busy with a call for work,” or “Oh my god I just realized you sent me a text when I was in the gym and I completely forgot to answer! I’m so sorry!” then you’re not someone he is willing to let go of easily. Men know how much a delayed call and texts upset us and the last thing he wants to do is get on our nerves.
3. He wants to make you laugh
Okay, everyone knows his jokes are corny. Even his mama agrees. But he’ll tell them to you all day just to see you laugh or hear you make fun of him.
A study from the University of Kansas found the when two strangers meet, the more times a man tries to be funny and the more a woman laughs at those attempts, the more likely the woman is interested in the man.
4. He offers to help
When you mention you’re moving, or putting together furniture, or even looking for a new car, does he jump at the chance to help? Does he often look for ways he can be of service to you? Men don’t do that for a woman they are trying to sleep with or casually date for a short period of time. They save that type of effort for ones they are serious about.
5. He makes sure you are safe
If you’re hanging out with the girls or simply spending time with your mom, he will call or send a text asking if you are ok. Bonus points if he offers to pick you up and take you home if you are planning to stay out late.
6. He loves spending time with you
“How a person spends their time is the clearest indicator of what truly is important to them,” says Richard and Namaste Moore, who are metaphysicians and life and relationship alchemists. “The general nature of time is self-evident. An hour consists of a certain number of minutes, a day of hours, and a year of days. But the precious, nature of the quality of our experience in spending our time cannot be quantified and offers us an amazing array of enjoyment. Someone who is very serious about you will be truly interested in the pleasure to be afforded by the time they spend, the time they make, the space they make for you in their life—which means in their home, their day, in those events and circumstances that are important to them.”
7. He plans ahead
If you’re just a fling to him, you are unfortunately replaceable to him. But, if he is serious about you, no one else’s presence will do and he will begin planning for your future.
“When they talk about or plan for the future, are you included in those optimistic visions of what the future might hold?” ask the Moores. “When they make you apart of their dreams this can be a sign that they are very serious about you.”
8. He cares about your career
If he really cares about you, he wants all areas in your life to be great. If a man has clearly put time into thinking about your career, and comes up with suggestions on how you could advance it or be happier in it, he plans on being around for a while. He is making sure things in your future will be good.
9. He respects your opinions
If you’re having an argument, a man who is truly into you will not belittle you or make you feel small. If he’s committed to you, he will hear you out and seek to understand your perspective, whether it is a friendly political debate or a serious conversation about your relationship.
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10. He puts effort into his appearance
If a man likes you he’ll wear his best clothing and even wear cologne…just for you. If a man is not putting any effort into his appearance, how can you expect him to put a concerted effort into making your relationship work?
11. He introduces you to his family
If a man is truly into you, he will want to show you off to everyone he knows, including his family. He will bring you to family functions and introduce you to his favorite loved ones.
12. He lets you eat the last bite
A man who loves you wouldn’t dare take the last bite of a meal. He will always offer it to you, and if you decline, then he’ll dive in.
13. He compromises
You like to watch romantic comedies and he loves action films. A guy who is into you will compromise and watch your favorite movie. Don’t expect this to be the case all the time, but if a guy really likes you, he’ll be willing to forgo his happiness from time to time just to see you smile.
14. He wants to be intimate
Men who are serious about women want to have sex with them as often as they can. They make their feelings clear and try to make you as comfortable as possible.
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“Does their body instinctively reach toward yours for the simple joy of incidental, casual physical contact with you, e.g. sitting close to you, reaching out to touch you during a conversation, or when laughing?” ask the Moores. “All of these are non-verbal signals that send the message of intense interest and pleasure.”
15. He looks at you when you’re talking
Guys who have something to hide typically don’t look at you while you are speaking. If you ever want to investigate his seriousness, watch him while you’re talking. Where do his eyes land?
16. He gives you a title
A man who is serious about his woman isn’t afraid of titles. If he leaves you wondering what you truly are, maybe he’s not that into you.
17. His eyes light up around you
Men who are into women will have a special sparkle in their eyes. “Our pupils tend to dilate when we are observing someone we feel affection for—so in this case, the eyes are truly the windows to the soul,” says the Moores.
18. He brags about you…to his friends
If he isn’t serious about you, he may bring you to a party or a friend’s get together, but he’ll most likely leave you to fend for yourself. If he is serious about you, he is proud of you, and he will make a point of being near you to introduce you to people and tell them all about you and your accomplishments.
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19. He spends money on you
If you’ve ever questioned if a man is truly into you, ask yourself if he’s ever bought you a gift. Buying gifts (even if it’s small) is a simple way to show you truly care.
20. He enjoys cuddling
No man who is trying to keep things casual is going to make the terrible mistake of sending a, “Can’t you just be next to me so we can cuddle?” text. They know that sends a serious signal. If a guy sends this type of text, he likes you.
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21. He lets you win games
So you love to play board games huh? If he’s as into you as he says he is, he will let you win more often than not.
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